What's in a Name?

Shayla and I's wedding day is quickly approaching and we're beyond excited!  One question that I keep asking is, "why are we doing this?"  Not "why are we getting married," I have never questioned that, but "why are we doing this part of the ceremony," "why do we have to do this part of the reception?"  "Is this particular thing an essential part to getting married or a frivolous expectation set by the culture in which we live?"

One of the things that we have evaluated by that question is "why does the bride change her name?"  Is this a cultural expectation that just goes back in history and we've forgotten its purpose?  Is it a display of our misogynistic society?  Is it an androcentric idea?

I was reminded of this when watching TV one afternoon and a couple was arguing about whether or not the bride should change her name.  This commercial has prompted this post, because I think it is something we have forgotten as a culture.  Changing a name is not a demarkation of property, it is a sign of a covenant.  For those of us who still believe marriage is a God given covenant, this is very important.

In order to understand the significance of any covenant we have to understand what a covenant is, and what it is not.  First, what it is:

• Bond or agreement between two people
• One person is primarily responsible for said covenant
• It is usually sealed in blood
• If one party breaks the covenantal agreement, the other party doesn't break it, but rather tries to restore the covenant.

This is different from a contract.  A covenant is not a contract, but our world is very comfortable with contracts, heck, I'm a contract worker for a lot of different jobs.  Here are some properties of a contractual relationship.

• Agreement between two parties
• Both parties are equally responsible
• Sealed by a signature or handshake
• If one breaks the contract the other party is no longer obligated to fulfill their end.

The differences are subtle but a covenant is not a contract.  Let's look at some examples of covenants.

Abraham and circumcision: God establishes Abraham as the father of his people and seals that covenant by male circumcision.  Needless to say, God is primarily responsible for this agreement as he is going to protect them, lead them, and provide for them.  The circumcision is only a mark of this agreement.  If Abraham breaks the agreement how does God handle it?  He doesn't just wipe his hands and walk away... he seeks earnestly to restore the covenant.  And then, there's the blood, when flesh is cut, it produces blood.

Jesus and the crucifixion: When Christ died on the cross, he sealed the new covenant that God has made with believers.  There was no shortage of blood, and God is definitely the one primarily responsible for this relationship. 

Marriage: In the Christian understanding, though the husband and wife are seen as equals, the husband is the one who is held responsible.  In the first marriage, when Adam and Eve sin, God does not call for Eve, even though she sinned first.  He is looking for Adam; why did he allow this to happen?  He was responsible for Eve's mistake as well as his own.  In Ephesians 5 this is outlined by Paul even more, the husband is the head of the wife, not as domineering tyrant, but loving provider.  (Shayla likes to remind me of the quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding where the wife says "the husband may be the head, but the wife is the neck, she can turn the head any direction she wants.")  This does not mean he is a better person, nor any closer to Jesus, but he is the one responsible for the relationship.  Where is the blood?  There was an 18th and 19th century practice of hanging the bloodied honeymoon sheets outside the bedroom to show that the covenant had been sealed and the marriage consummated...  I'll leave it at that.

But there's one more thing, what's in a name?  Names show who you are, it's your identity, it's how people call you, identify you, and recognize you.  When God makes his covenant with Abram and Sarai he changes their names to Abraham and Sarah.  While God is changing Abram's name from "exalted father" to "father of a multitude" he's also subtly marking his name in Abram's by placing an "h" or "-ah" in it.  God places his name, or the shortened version of it, on Abram and Sarai to make their names AbrAHam and SarAH.  He is showing that he's responsible for them. The one responsible for the covenant gives their name. 

This is one reason why Shayla and I will continue this tradition, in recognition of our covenantal bond to God and each other through our marriage.  

God is a funny guy...

As I write this I realize I haven't posted in nearly a year, but I've started plenty of drafts.  Second guessing those drafts and their purposes eventually made me not post them.  But this one I've put a lot of thought into and is more or less a narrative of the past year to 18 months.  It's a long one, so if you end up reading it, thank you, but it was more cathartic for me to just write it.

__

I am a planner.  I typically start my day by showering, making a double shot of Cuban espresso, reading a few Psalms, and a chapter of some other book.  Then I sit down and think about what I need to do that day and put them in the order that's best to complete them.  If that's how much planning I put into one day, imagine how much I've thought about careers and long term goals.

When it comes to big decisions it may take me a while to make the decision as to what I'm going to do, but once I've made the decision, it's made.  That's my path and it now gets 100% of my effort and energy.  It took me a long time to decide where to go for grad school.  Did I want to go to seminary and pursue a Masters of Divinity or get a Masters of Education from another institution.  Once I made the decision I went for it.  Here I am a year later, one year of internship/classroom experience under my belt, teaching license in hand, degree almost complete (nothing left but the blasted thesis...) and plenty of contacts in the education industry, yet zero desire to be a teacher.  Over the past year I battled with not only writing lesson plans on time and making sure I was prepared for the next day but wondering if I had made the right choice.  I wonder sometimes should I have gone to seminary?  Should I have gone right into ministry?  Should I have kept working in the AV industry in Orlando?

I can't help but wonder why God pulled me towards education only for me to eventually arrive at the conclusion that it's not for me.  It's like I made the decision, started running at 100% towards the goal of an M.Ed. and job as a teacher only to discover I've been running on a treadmill for the last year.  Why?

I know one thing for sure was not a mistake.  I proposed to the love of my life about a year ago and we're getting married in roughly 45 days.  That was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the right decision.  So for that alone, I do not regret coming up to Tennessee.

My favorite characters in the Bible are Timothy, Jeremiah, Josiah, and David, among others.  Not only were they great men, but they were called to ministry early and succeeded in expanding God's Kingdom or leading them back to righteousness.  The verse "do not let them despise you because you are young" is a constant refrain in the back of my head.

But God has a funny way of reminding me of other characters in the Bible; people like Moses, Abraham, and Zechariah (John the Baptizer's father).  These men were not called to ministry until much later in life.  Heck, Moses had to wait 40 years in the desert watching sheep before even being called to go back to pharaoh.

All of this leads me to the conclusion that maybe running on a treadmill isn't as pointless as it seems. After all, you're still exercising and being prepared for the next chapter where you may be running outside in the real world.  Back to me being a planner, I know that God is also a planner.  If you can even fathom how he crafted a story over nearly two millennia from Moses penning the pentateuch around 1600BC to John writing Revelation around 100AD it doesn't happen by accident or chance.

The frustrating part is that God more often likes to show me his mysterious side than his planner side.  He likes to keep me guessing, wondering, and curious.

This isn't the first time God and I have had this issue.  When I arrived at FCC/JUFL I had my heart set on youth ministry.  But after 3 years and an internship in it, I arrived at the conclusion it wasn't the best fit for me.  I could do it but it wouldn't be the best fit.  So after much prayer and counsel from friends and mentors I set my sights on teaching.  A year later, here we are.  God's a funny guy.

At this point I am applying for AV ministry jobs across the country.  About a month ago I made it to the third round of interviews at a church in Illinois.  I feel certain that God will take care of Shayla and me.  I have no doubt there. 2016 could be as much of an existential crisis as 2014-15 was, but I hope not.  I hope I really have found the best fit to my skills, passions, and gifts.  I hope I can expand the Kingdom wherever I am given the chance to and that the Kingdom can grow in me there as well.  I pray that I can take care of Shayla and a new marriage.  I pray I am not trying to be a Timothy when God wants me to be a Moses.  I pray I don't plan God out of my daily life by structuring too many things and not allowing His Spirit to move.

Nostalgia

So there are very few things I'm nostalgic about.  (btw, here's a definition for nostalgia, I don't think I actually learned what it meant until college... "a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.")  I am nostalgic about my granny's old house in Mississippi, my parent's house in Ft. Lauderdale, the smell of an afternoon rain coming (doesn't happen a lot in TN) to name a few.  Smell is the fastest sense to register a memory.  Before you even realize the memory bubbling up from your brain was triggered by the scent you're in it.  

Anyway, what made me think of this were my headphones.  Why?  Earwax.  Just kidding.  Over the summer (2013) Shayla borrowed my headphones all summer to use at work.  No big deal really, nothing special.  Except Shayla is a trooper and worked outdoor maintenance... in the summer... in Florida.  Naturally the headphones now smell like sunscreen and sweat.  I used to grudgingly hug her whenever she came by my door for lunch or just to say hi.  But now that I pull these headphones out of their little trendy (but handy) apple case they unlock a time capsule of memories.  I was pulling these headphones out at Starbucks, and Shayla, sitting across from me, thinks I'm studying.   But, for a few moments, I am remembering little sweaty Shayla from 18 months ago, smiling, and wanting nothing more than a hug.  Life gets busy, Spring semester is always worse than the Fall... Stop and enjoy some nostalgia from time to time and hey, give a sweaty person a hug.

Alright, back to this school junk.

20 Steps Make All the Difference...

Sort of an impromptu post here.  Shayla and I both have class on Tuesday night and typically we get coffee and go for a walk in order to catch up on the day, sometimes pray together, and just relax before class.  Tonight as we were on the "final approach" to our classes there was a fork in the sidewalk that led to our two respective buildings.  Normally we are running a little late (to us that means we'll make it to class on time rather than 5 minutes early lol) and therefore say goodbye and split at the fork.  But tonight it made her night that I took the extra 20 steps to walk her to her building.  I'm sure she felt loved and felt all warm and cuddly, but for me it was just a simple extra 20 steps.

When it only costs you 20 extra steps to make someone's day, do it.  Small acts of selflessness (even the ones that aren't that costly to you!) keep relationships alive and make them thrive.  True love is selflessness in large doses like Christ on the cross and in small daily doses like 20 extra steps.  One thing I have learned about love in my relationship with Shayla is the value of small, daily, even unnoticed acts of selflessness is invaluable.  Our relationship would probably quickly wither if we stopped these little acts.  If you're in a relationship, do something impromptu to serve your other half; if you're not, serve a friend.  If you really want to go the extra mile plan something specific that you can do to serve the other person, but don't do it for the recognition or for the expectation of a return on your investment.  It's not an investment, it's a sacrifice.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." 

-Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Eggs, Pagan Worship, and Church Shopping

Episode 2!  Listen as Ryan Brackett and I talk about the idea of church shopping and do some follow up on last week's episode about church AV production and worship. (Episode 1)


"Is Your Church Worship More Pagan than Christian?" Article



Ryan's pictures of his favorite paper-towel dispensers:

This is easier than blogging...

This may surprise you, I listen to a lot of podcasts.  This may not surprise you, I'm opinionated.  My friend Ryan Brackett is away in South Asia and we don't get to talk a lot.  One Saturday we finally got to FaceTime and had a really good two hour discussion.  We thought we might record it and see if other people would like it.  So, we are trying a podcast about church stuff, christian thoughts/ideas, random culture things, whatever catches our attention really... So the link is below, it's only 22 minutes, if you like it, leave a comment (either here or on soundcloud) so that we know!



Worship Arts and Paper-Towels

Link to the article we talk about.


Ryan's paper-towels:
The Good:
(I'll put some of his pictures here when he is able to get them to me, remember, he's sort of in a developing country!)



The Bad:

Rain

Rain may be one of the best fitting metaphors of God's love. It's out of our control. It falls on everything, the grass, the crops, the concrete, the buildings. Everyone needs it and the good soil needs it to grow. For soil that is ready, receptive, and maybe even thirsty for it it not only hits the surface but sinks in, and becomes part of the soil. For the concrete that is resistant to it, even it can't help but soak a little up, and it is inevitably worn down by it's pitter patter over time.

I woke up this morning to a soft gentle rain outside my open windows. It was overcast and just gently and steadily raining. It's quite possibly the most peaceful thing I could have imagined. This week has been incredibly stressful and busy and I just kept going to bed frustrated every night and a little discouraged. Then I wake up to God gently taking my hand and showing me he's bigger, he's refreshing, and he gently loves. It took me a while to get this but now I understand that sometimes God loves to give good, beautiful, and perfect gifts to the ones he loves. Sometimes for no particular reason at all other than just to make them smile.

“Take me to that place Lord
To that secret place where
Where I can be with You
You can make me like You
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms”